Tomato Nation, 12 February 2014:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for about three months. He’s the friend of a friend’s brother whom I met a little before I graduated college this past spring. He’d just got out of the military and living in a new town, so he didn’t know a whole lot of people. At first, we talked a lot about acclimating to the “real world” and trying to find jobs and all that. He’s a really nice guy; mild-mannered but he makes me laugh, in good shape, laid-back, smells nice. There’s just one problem. Recently I spent the night at his place. This was only our second sleepover, and, well, I hate to be one of those girls that gushes about sex with her boyfriend, but it was really good. Great, even. The next morning he got up to go get coffee and I got on his computer. I swear I wasn’t trying to snoop or anything; I just wanted to check my email and whatnot until he got back. While surfing, however, his browser did an auto-fill for a popular white-nationalist forum. My curiosity got the best of me, so I went to it, and not only does he have an account, but he has thousands of posts on there. I was heartbroken. I am SO not into that; I’m not very political, but I’m pro-choice and I voted for Obama, so in his world, I’m a heathen…I think. I can’t believe he believes in this white-power/Aryan-nation nonsense. Now I don’t know what to do. He’s a great guy apart from this, and it doesn’t seem like something he’s eager to talk about. I kind of figured he was more right-wing than me, but I just chalked that up to him being former military and being “harder” than me about stuff. But this is just weird. I told my mom I don’t even think I’m technically supposed to know about this side of him, so it feels strangely wrong to judge him on it. She said at the end of the day, this is who he is regardless if he told me about it or not, and now I have to decide if I can overlook it. Gee, thanks, Mom. Anyway, I’m curious to know what you think I should do. Sincerely, Nicole
Now, let’s think about this one really, really carefully before we do anything that would imply rashness or patterns of thinking that may not be completely based in logic and instead based in, say, prejudice.
Because we don’t want to be prejudiced here against your smokin’ hot boyfriend, who has thousands of posts on a forum built specifically for white nationalists who just want to engage in a little intellectual discussion about the advantages of, say, genocide. There are a lot of good reasons he might be engaging in this, the least likely of which is that your boyfriend is an inveterate, unrepentant racist and bigot, filled with hate, contempt and rage for anyone who doesn’t look like him.
Maybe he just loves talking about the logistics of planning large rallies that require a lot of white linen! Maybe he’s really into thread count.
Let’s look at what we know he’s got going for him. You say he’s “a really nice guy; mild-mannered but he makes me laugh, in good shape, laid-back, smells nice.”
What do you think the likelihood is of your finding another nice man to bone who also smells nice? One who also is mild-mannered? These are traits we spend our whole lives trying to find in one partner. Should you toss them aside just because your super laid-back boyf is into hate-validating pseudoscience, willfully perpetuating systemic oppression, and the first part of American History X? I mean, you voted for Obama; is racism really your problem?
To judge your boyfriend a bigot just because he spends much of his free time talking about the coincidental supremacy of his own race and its destiny to rule over all others on planet earth either by enslaving them or exterminating them, would just be another kind of bigotry.
You don’t want to support bigotry, do you? I didn’t think so. Open mind, open legs, the Bad Advisor always says.